If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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