Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now