I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
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So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
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He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????