New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk