Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
