Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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