There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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