i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
