This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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