By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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