Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
