Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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