you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
