my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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