I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
