hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize