This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
