I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
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I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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