You just made me feel so damn special
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize