Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
