Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
