Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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