theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
