I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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