she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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