she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My liver just had a heart attack.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
