Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
this will be a night to untag.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
