No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
