I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
