I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
