Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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