i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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