Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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