I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
