I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
