Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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