I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
