On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
