I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He shit in the fireplace
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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