I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
