at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
