Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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