the ceiling is raining jello shotss
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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