I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
