Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
