You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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