Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
