It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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