Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The best revenge is premature balding
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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