Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
