Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I fill condoms, not promises.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
