You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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