I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
