TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
