peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
