There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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