my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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