I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
