I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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