So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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